Blog #5: Setting Boundaries With People You Love

Hi guys! I usually post on Friday's, but this topic has been weighing heavy on me this past couple weeks; it is currently very present in my life ... basically I've recently had to set boundaries with family members and people I love.

I had to say "I will allow this behavior, and other actions I cannot accept."

It's not easy. It takes a big toll on me emotionally because I'm the type of person who is a major people pleaser and just wants everyone to be happy.

But when someone else's actions affects me negatively, I have learned, that I have to be assertive and spell out my requests.

It took years of therapy and treatments to learn that I have self worth and I will not allow someone else, especially someone very close to me, to hurt me.

So I did that this week with two people. I'm not gonna name names but these two people are both extremely close to me and also a little bit toxic to my sanity and my recovery.

I'm not gonna lie I have extreme anxiety and it has manifested into 3 panic attacks in the past couple weeks.

I couldn't take it. I hadto set limits and boundaries ASAP in order to preserve my mental health, my physical health, and the health of my unborn baby. As uncomfortable as it may make me or the other person, I have found that it is completely necessary and actually very beneficial long term.

I can't worry about someone else's feelings or needs above my own. Not anymore. I've done it for too many years, my whole life actually, and I am too healthy right now to jeopardize my self care.

So I did it. I laid out my boundaries, and it was tough at first. Not everyone is going to respond to you the way you want, but that's ok. It's not really about them-as harsh as that sounds. It's about my needs, and right now those come first.

It's definitely been rough, I'm not gonna lie. And initially it made my anxiety worse, but after the storm passed, I felt a weight lifted off of me.

In order to get through those storms, I relied on my resources- primarily my husband. He was there to hold me while I was in full blown panic mode, he called, emailed and did everything he could to reach my psychiatrist on the weekend, he managed to get my Dr. to send a prescription for non-narcotic anxiety medication, and he was just there as my ultimate support. I am so incredibly blessed to have someone who puts my needs above his own (even if I told him not to or to put his own needs ahead of mine). I just want to take a moment to thank him for being with me every step of the way these past 5 years! Thank you baby, I love you!

So was it worth it? YES! I feel so much better. I had to cut out someone very dear to me, and it was emotional but necessary. I no longer feel I am walking on egg shells, I no longer feel panicked or unsafe. I finally feel free!

That doesn't mean that everything is sunshine and rainbows, but day by day, step by step I am healing. And I am proud of myself! I have always been so self-critical, as a lot of us are, but I have found that stopping and taking a moment to look at where I am, counting my blessings, and thanking God for all of the good things in my life, is vital.

So thank you guys for listening to me, for supporting my blog and for all the positive feedback I have received! It really means the world to me. 

Sincerely, 

Veronica